By 26, I had lived a largely nice life. I had traveled extensively to places like China, Israel, India and a personal favorite, Paris. I had an advanced degree in Biology, I had honors and I had loved deeply.
In many ways, I was living a perfectly normal life— which is true in so many ways, as I now see how many of us are living with our own demons, suffering daily and unable to really free ourselves from pain, just postponing it another day.
The truth was, I wasn’t ok. As a child I was sexually abused by someone close to me, and that unhealed trauma seeped into all aspects of my life: relationships, self worth, money, and identity.
The funny thing was, I had no idea. That kind of abuse is shattering to a young soul, and can be shattering to a whole family. In an instinctive act of self preservation, I hid those memories deep within my psyche and repressed them so that I would forget until it was safe to remember.
Vital parts of me were shut off in dark corners of my mind- fear, yes, betrayal, yes, hatred… but also pleasure, passion, power and the goodness of life. So much became inaccessible to me and I lived a half life, a partial expression of the truth of who I am.
After 20 or more years, the calling of my soul behind those walls grew so loud I had to answer. Not knowing what I was doing, I began a quest, I set out on a hunt for those very same memories I had buried long ago.
I followed the trail of my own inner puzzle until I found the walls of the Mystery School- first meditation, then Life Activation and finally I attended the two day Empower Thyself initiation. The calling grew louder and I threw myself deeply into my own healing. It took 5+ years of dedicated self healing, Kabbalah studies, joining the warrior path and finally stepping into service as a Guide for me to feel safe enough to remember what my child self had hidden.
It was hard to admit the truth, after so many years of lying to myself. At last I surrendered to the shock, the repulsiveness and the pain of what had happened to me. I didn’t have to protect myself, or the people close to me from the truth any longer. I could welcome back the memories, and most importantly, all the aspects of myself I had banished.
I could become whole in myself.
The gift I gave myself is inarticulable. Without a doubt, had I not found the Modern Mystery School and dedicated myself to healing- invested in myself and courageously overcome my own internal barriers, I would have lived and died never knowing the truth. My desire to heal, and the power of the tools and support I received from this lineage had to be greater than my desire to remain in ignorance.
Without the Modern Mystery School and my own healing, I would have seen the way my trauma poisoned my relationships, but never known why. I would have witnessed my numbness, but never truly known there was another side, and never experienced living a life there. I can imagine myself, 70, 80 years old, reflecting on my life and seeing the outline my forgotten self made- but never knowing how to open it.
What a gift I have given myself, and truly, it would not have been possible without the tools of the mystery school, which allowed me to create such a safe heaven that I could trip the lock on memories 30+ years old, memories which were all but unreachable to me.
It is time for mankind to free itself from ancient fears and traumas, to rise into wholeness and embrace a new life. Without a doubt, the Modern Mystery School and the path of progression it offers will be a support system for many who seek to do that work.
I want to end this with something- to tell you it will all be OK. But that’s not necessarily true. WE make it OK, by our own efforts we make it safe for our child selves- for our children. It’s only by our work that anything changes- so yes, for me it will be OK because I will make it OK, I am determined. We can all create that reality, if we so choose. So tell me, will it all be OK for you?
I don’t know what monsters are guarding the trap-doors of your minds, but I can guarantee you will be tested. Will you be brave enough to embark on your hero’s quest and recover the treasure of your true self? That is up to each of us. The Modern Mystery School offers a path so that we do not lose our way- and many thousands have walked it throughout time to do just that. I hope that many thousands more will walk it and that together we will shepherd in a new world.
May peace and light be with you all,
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